* I wrote this  wen I got angry today and off topic but who cares! ~ FreeWrite ~



Here's my poem yhu guys!!

~  I Made It Thru The Day  ~

I was up till this morning full of hate
so mad since yesterday
I haven't slept nor ate,
Thinking of all the truth and the lies
the real and the fake.

Paranoid of lies and ashamed of my stupidity
always played it off as simple naivety
ignoring the facts,
Deceit or Denial?
Denial or Deceit?

Trust being a non-factor (dnt kno who to believe!)and
2014 afresh with better actors
where everyone is smarter
as the world we live in grows darker and darker
I feel plagued or cursed,

As lost and sorrow tails me like 
a stalker 
Lusting to overwhelm me 
to clamp to me any second, evn tighter
Be strong! Be steady! You can do it! 
take back ur life, you're a fighter!

Trust in God if not urself 
don't stop ta think the words i usually tell myself :
do I have a choice? I have nothing left

do i trust in prayer?

As i try to fight it 
peel it off layer by layer
ambushed by pain left and right
my life collides before me.
I see no light so i go back to sleep 
which is where nightmares await

And where fright not to far away
but not tonite i'm tired so
I avoid all reality, black it out straight
sleep welcomes me in just a few hrs
my problems drift and then dissipate...
but only for a day

I realized I need help so I pray
hopeful God hears me

I know he has (sorta - kinda) cuz
I'm alive the next day thru all my fears

To struggle again 
so in my future fights I win

Mistrust, Deceit and Denial
might take me down sometimes 
but im not gon let it break me 
Nor let it block my sunshine

I will keep looking ahead 
for my future is mine 
not some tragic story!
If its one thing I've learned from my Pastor
is Never let the devil steal your glory! 

So all's there's left to do is forgive & forget
I'm a work in progress, still working on it
so throw all your sticks and stones but
only '' I '' can choose what misses and hits!

~FIN~
I hope yhu enjoyed it!  
Thanx for reading!

-S3XMAN1@C

LIFE LIVING IN BETWEEN

CHAPTER ONE (part 1)

QUESTIONING MY SANITY 

If yhu took a peek inside my mind what would yhu see? colors?, static? , vibratons ? Nothing? 

you kno what i hate most rite now is the saying my therapist  keep saying : ''What yhu see is wat yhu get.'' 

I dnt believe  that for a second ! what i do believe in or i feel rite now is that im on the wrong side of a DISNEY movie; Steadily singing  the question: ''when will my life begin?''

Ok alrite i understand reality will always be wat it is: harsh, but it doesnt stop me from being pissed off  ppl who think just becuz they quote some  ''historical know-it-all figure'' they  think they are rite. 

What if i start quoting all Disney movies, would that make me smarter and well recognized then? 

I'm tired of wondering why the girls in  disney  get all the luck? Like ,  you want  an adventure?, switch places with me! you want out of your fantastic fantasy world?  tada! wish granted ~ Zap!  if ever there was a hotline for disney females in ''reality wanted distress '' requesting a life change ,  i would be there on the spot answering their calls! i mean it might end up being not what they were looking for , but... if you never signed the dotted line on whether or not its long term or short term , well forgive me my deceit for i didnt bother too ask  whether or not yhu wanted to trade your lovely extravagant life for life of struggle and harshness. it just didnt make my schedule.

( If i sound depressing oh well! )

Any who ..!

im  not gonna lie maybe im just not cut out for the disney  life anyway ... you see im not very PG-13 im more fit for RATED-R , so that  would totally  shake up disney.   im a sweet person (phsyically) dnt get me wrong, but mentally  im too much for TV . im like sugar ~ you cant get enough of me , but oo much is just fatal.

 I could promise you one thing  that  if you really knew me well lets jus' say ''there never will be a  dull moment'' cliche? yea but true. The mind works in mysterious ways . inside of my mind i form thee most epic fantasies  of all time  that i think could probably give ''Zane'' a run for her money.   Speaking of Zane Ive always admired her. OMG Ive  starting reading her books around age 12, When  no one was paying me an attention i woud visit my aunts room and explore. little did i know theres was  a(n) excitingly wonderous adventure that lay in wait for me inside that book! the words , even though hard to understand without a dictionary, exploded off the page chapter after chapter i was hooked and couldnt get enough!   reading her books helped me boost my vocab and excel in reading , comprehension and spelling . After that i've  never left home without a book and dictionary in hand.  but even though i got brighter/ smarter  i also became too engrossed in all things sexual and before i  knew it reality became a non-factor in my life (not to mention the emotionally mental tragedies i had to endure...sexually and mentally). i wouldn't call myself damaged , but im pretty sure something  in me broke and reverted  into a non reality or fictitious, fantasy driven world .

My Life 101

Wasn't  always big on Perspective POV anyway,

to be continued

SEXMANIAC

P.S

do  yhu think i should change my name to SEXBRAINIAC? lol just wonderin, a always im always wondering... sometimes i ''wonder'' abt that. hmmm....

WHAT DR3AMS AR3 MAD3 0F.... MY L1F3 AND SEX

LATELY IVE BEEN CONFUSD...

I dnt rlly know wat else to do besides write out my feelings.

Ive had some doubts abt writing for  the public, but i think my addiction to sex (among other things) is starting to get out of hand. Maybe its becuz im still a virgin  at 18 and the only intercourse i've ever experienced was  out of a book. Sad but true. I think  my first internally conflicting  problem  would be .... i dnt kno maybe my sexuality? I was told  this is an normal occurance in teens and young adults.  Hahh! does that also include late bloomers cuz i dnt wnt to still be confused by the time im thirty, and  for some reason its too embarrassing to talk the therapist i already have abt this!

This is just the beginning  of my problems, whew i think im starting to like this ! I've considered writing a complet book (good thing ive started on it) what do yhu think of the name ...Scorpio with two heads?  or Scorpio x2 ? Oh forgot to mention im a Scorpio could be why i have these over the top horndog dreams...

Which is partly why im  searching for outside help...

Sincerly Confused,

SEXMANIAC

P.S.

look foward to next entry : 

" Threes a Crowd?'' 
or something random from my book im writing.